D is for Defenestration
by Jelsemium
Summary: Still posting fics from the 2006 Summer Alphabet Challenge. This story deals with the death of a female character, not Amita, in humorous and ENTIRELY innappropriate manner. Because I can be a sick puppy when I want to be. No drinking, you've been warned.
1. Chapter 1 of 3

D is for Defenestration

Chapter 1 of 3

By: Anonymous. Honest, I don't know where it came from, it just appeared on my computer fully formed and beta'd. Have I ever lied to you? In the past five minutes?

Disclaimer: I don't own them, nor am I making a profit.

Rating: T

Warning One: Character Death, dealt with in an _inappropriate_ manner.

Warning Two: Killing the Author won't do you any good.

Warning Three: Won't do the author any good, either.

* * *

Susan Berry perched on a bench, writing into one of her multitude of notebooks. No one paid much attention to her, people writing in notebooks was not exactly a novelty on the Cal Sci campus.

Nor did the backpack on the bench beside her attract attention. With all the books and other gear students were forced to haul from pillar to post, everybody had some sort of luggage.

Nobody would have even thought about the fact that Susan's backpack contained several changes of clothing and several hats. The wigs, on the other hand, my have aroused interest. She changed often to prevent anyone from noticing that she was staking out the Lorden math building.

Not that he would notice, she thought bitterly. She could pose in the nude and that oblivious idiot savant wouldn't drag his nose from his book long enough to look at her. Or drag his eyes off that brazen hussy of his, she added with a frown.

She wrote several vitriolic paragraphs about that cheap slut who had come between her and her man. She had some very interesting and painfully lethal plans for the over made up bimbo.

Charlie belonged with her. They'd have such wonderful babies together, with their combined brains and her good looks.

Charlie had offered to come to England once. Then he had turned down her marriage proposal. At first, she'd thought that the ungrateful cad just didn't appreciate how lucky he was that she was willing to marry beneath herself.

Not being stupid, Susan had eventually divined the answer. Some jezebel had come between her and her man. That's why she had begun to stake out Charlie's office building, the Lorden Math building at Cal Sci.

At first, she suspected the little Hindu girl that she'd seen last time she'd come here. However, she had dismissed Amitra quickly. Really, the idea of a grad student in love with a professor was so cliché. Besides, Charlie's ethics wouldn't permit him to lust after a student.

It had taken some patience, but Susan had finally spotted her target. A tall woman with shoulder length brown hair, too much mascara and a taste for gaudy rings dropped by at various times of day and Charlie frequently left with her.

It couldn't be anything as innocuous as lunch, because the chippie didn't always come by at noon. In fact, sometimes she came by more than once a day, the greedy little floozy.

It couldn't be business either. Susan had been close enough to listen to parts of their conversations. It was clear from those overheard snippets that the strumpet was math illiterate.

Whoever she was, she had to go. The trollop was interfering with Susan's children to be and that wasn't to be endured.

Susan's chance came on Cal Sci's egg drop day. The tart had been by once and she overheard her tell Charlie that she'd be back in an hour or so. That gave Susan time to set the stage.

First, she put a little something in Charlie's tea to send him to the health center. Whatever that gold digger wanted, she wasn't going to get it from Charlie today or any future day.

Second, she got hold of some eggs and packing materials. She went to the library where the egg drop was being held and found a suitable room.

Then she went back to Charlie's office and loitered.


	2. Chapter 2 of 3

Megan knocked on Charlie's door, and then waited. When there was no answer, she pushed the door open half expecting, hoping in fact, to see Charlie engrossed in analyzing his latest creation for the FBI.

There was nobody in the office. There were cryptic scrawls on the board that hadn't been there earlier. It looked to Megan's untrained eye as if Charlie had an answer for them. She sighed. It wouldn't do her a bit of good until Charlie explained it to her.

She stepped back outside the office and scanned the corridor. Still no Charlie in sight. She spoke to a passing student. "Excuse me, Miss, do you know where Professor Eppes is?"

The blonde started to shake her head, and then apparently reconsidered. "He may be over at the library," she said with a faint English accent. "There was some dispute over one of the egg drops and the dean may have called him in to mediate. Or perhaps he was summoned there to judge."

Megan blinked. "Egg drop?"

The blonde grinned. "Oh, you haven't heard? Today is the day the grads and undergrads demonstrate their engineering chops by packaging up an egg and dropping it from a very high place. In this case, the top floor of the library."

Megan's eyes widened. "Oh, I've heard of that." She frowned. "I told Charlie I'd be back…"

Susan shrugged. "He likely didn't have a choice in the matter, y'know? The dean commands and we poor plebes must obey."

Megan nodded. "Yes, the curse of the working woman," she said. "I'm Megan."

"I'm Susan," the blonde said. "I bet I know where we can find Charlie. And he'll be able to wiggle out of this egg drop thing if the Dean knows he has an official obligation to fulfill."

"Great," Megan said with relief. "Lay on, MacDuff." She paused. "If it's no trouble?"

Susan shook her head. "It's no trouble at all," she smiled.

Megan put the smirk down to the blonde wanting an excuse to talk to the very personable and rather cute Charlie Eppes. It didn't even occur to her to wonder why Susan referred to him by his first name.

There were crowds in front of the library and Megan assumed from the noise that eggs were falling and teams were being cheered on. Susan led the way to a side entrance. "The crowd will be impassible," she declared.

They took the elevator to the top floor, and then Susan turned toward the back of the building.

Megan frowned. "Don't we need to go to the front?" she asked.

Susan shook her head. "Oh, no, that's where they are dropping the eggs," she said. "The packaging is going on in the back, so they don't get in the way of the contestants."

"Oh," Megan said.

Neither noticed that a few curious students appear from the stacks and followed them.

The room that Susan entered had some egg cartons and packing material, but it was otherwise empty.

"That's odd," Susan said. "Where is everybody?" She walked over to the window and looked out. Then she gasped, clapped her hand over her mouth and backed away, pointing at the window.

Megan swiftly stepped across the room and looked out. She saw nothing but the roofs of the other buildings and empty sidewalk.

She frowned and stepped back and to the side just as somebody cried "Look out!" and something brushed against her, causing her to stagger back a step.

Megan had just enough time to realize that Susan had rushed past her; arms extended and had plunged out the window.


	3. Chapter 3 of 3

That night, Don invited Megan over for dinner, claiming that he wanted her to talk to Charlie.

Megan thought Don just wanted to make sure that she was all right. However, she didn't feel like arguing, so she went.

When she saw how shell-shocked Charlie was, she decided that she owed Don an apology.

Poor Charlie was unable to keep still for more than a few minutes. He'd sit down, but he wouldn't relax. Then he'd hop to his feet and go to the kitchen for refreshments for his guests. However, he didn't eat anything himself.

Megan, who was sitting on the couch next to Larry, couldn't blame Charlie. She felt restless, too. She wasn't feeling depressed, exactly, but she wasn't going to protest the mandatory time off, the psych evaluation or even Larry's newly acquired quirk of taking her hand in his and patting it like it was a nervous cat.

Larry had obviously processed the fact that Megan had been attacked more thoroughly than Megan had. The whole episode still had a surreal feeling to her.

"I don't understand," Charlie said for the third or fourth time. He came from the kitchen with a beer bottle and offered it to David. "She dumped me. Why was she stalking me? Why attack Megan?" He plopped into his favorite chair.

David accepted the bottle and set it next to his unfinished bottle.

Charlie hopped to his feet again. "She said she had a fiancé in England. What did she want with me?" He wandered up stairs.

Alan and Don looked at Megan. She shook her head.

Charlie hove back into sight. "Why didn't I notice her? How could I not notice a woman I used to live with?"

David jumped in at this point. "Well, we're not on the investigating team for this, but apparently she had a backpack full of disguises, wigs, hats, etc. That would have made it difficult for you to spot her in passing."

"Especially since I usually have my head up my…" Charlie picked up the extra beer bottle from the table next to David. "Anybody want this?" he asked.

"Nah," Colby said. "Maybe you should have it."

Charlie shook his head. "I took something a while ago." He looked at Alan, who supplied the name of the medication. "It should be kicking in soon."

"I hope," he added under his breath. He sat down again.

"Well, Charlie," Colby said. "The investigating team said that they found a bunch of notebooks in the backpack, too. They said that they're going to take it to a forensic psychiatrist and they'll probably be able to piece together what was going on in her mind."

Amita moved over to Charlie and squeezed his shoulder. "You can't blame yourself for someone else's actions," she said. "Especially somebody as unbalanced as Susan Berry."

Charlie smiled up at her. "You need something to drink?" he asked.

Amita shook her head. "I'm good," she said. She stroked his hair.

Charlie began to relax and they could see the medication finally taking hold.

"Speaking of blame," Larry said quietly, still patting Megan's hand. "Megan isn't in trouble for this, is she?"

David shook his head. "Nah," he said. "Between what's in the notebooks and the depositions of the students who followed Megan and Susan into the room, there's plenty of evidence that Susan Berry attacked without provocation."

Colby nodded and stood up and started pacing himself. "Right, this isn't even going to be a black mark in Reeve's folder. Not when it was so clearly a case of … self-defenestration."

Colby sprinted out the front door, with Megan, David and Don in hot pursuit.

He made to the safety of his SUV.

But only just.


End file.
